Welcome, March. In like a lion, out like a lamb.
Harsh winds and rain have brought bluebirds (damned bluebirds!) and cardinals (damned cardinals!) to my window feeders these last couple of weeks. I HATE them.But I love you!
Once again, I am tasked with penning the Tattooology newsletter to you.
In time, I’m sure I will be able to do it in my sleep.
Sweet, sweet sleep. How I’ve missed you since I started this chore!
Let’s get this over with.
News
The shop seems to be in full swing. I see a lot less of Micah these days, which is fine. He does not give me the same amount of treats that my other housemates do.
I’ve been great. I have a new water fountain. It’s steel, and since getting it, my allergic reactions have all faded. Apparently plastic is no good for me.
Also, I discovered cinema: I watched a terrifying film called Flow. I couldn’t look away! It will certainly win Oscars.
Apprentice Josh has been away for a couple of weeks with his daughter, but he’s back now and he was missed by the whole crew. The plants almost died without him.
Johnny has been working on a great biomechanical piece that he’s excited about (the original plan was for him to write up this month’s Artist’s Corner about the genre, but events trumped that. Next month!).
Verne has started posting great little videos about tattooing technology, lore, and history. You can find those on his Facebook and Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/brent.schlemmer & https://www.instagram.com/bfstattoomrfritz
Micah is mourning a friend (read about that below). He’s also shopping for pig skins (real pig skins, not footballs) to get Hailey tattooing on something more real. She built her first tattoo machine, has it tuned up, and is ready for her next lessons.
She’s the best.
This month will be St Patrick’s Day. No doubt Micah and Wolf will return to the fairy forest to catch a leprechaun. Every year, always empty-handed. Terrible, terrible hunters.All said, things are going great and the birds are back (which is terrible).
TRIVIA
Every month, I will share a piece of tattoo trivia. If you come to the shop and can answer the trivia question (which will be posted at the front of the shop), you’ll get a collectible sticker for your collection. Collect four of them, and you’ll get a bigger sticker.
This is economics.
Who has the oldest tattoo ever discovered?
Ötzi the Iceman! So ancient!
Your species’ obsession with body art is adorably derivative. The oldest known tattoos belong to Ötzi the Iceman, a 5,300-year-old mummified human (natural, not Egyptian-style like I intend to be buried). His mummy was found by German tourists in the Ötztal Alps on the Austrian-Italian border in 1991.
Tissue samples and other materials were analyzed and revealed the corpse dates back to between 3359 and 3105 BCE. But no one noticed any tattoos on it at the time.
Tattoo Discovery: When scientists rephotographed Ötzi’s corpse in 2015 using multispectral imaging, they discovered hidden chest tattoos previously lost to time and poor lighting. They identified 61 tattoo marks.
Equipment: Ötzi’s tattoos were likely applied with a single-pointed copper awl—a tool humans once dismissed as a “leatherworking implement.” Was he a scratcher tattooing out of his garage? They probably all were back then.
New Title Holder: For years, one of the Chinchorro mummies was thought to hold the record, a Chilean human with a dotted mustache tattoo. Then Smithsonian researchers eventually carbon-dated it and oops: it’s 1,500 years newer than thought. It turns out he’s only 4000 years old, not 8000.
Tattoo Archaeology: In 2022, a tattoo artist named Danny Riday let scientists tattoo his leg with eight ancient tools (including a boar tusk and obsidian flake) to replicate Ötzi’s ink. Healing patterns matched hand-poked techniques, not incisions. Give this organization a follow @archeologyink on Instagram.
Acupuncture or Decoration?: While most of his tattoos cluster near Ötzi’s joints (supporting the “primitive acupuncture” theory), a cluster of chest tattoos has no corresponding injury. It could have been decorative work.
Now come to the shop and tell them so you can get your sticker!
Artist Corner
Ryan Schymick
1975 - 2025
Micah here. I promise this newsletter won’t always have obituary pieces; next month we’ll write up a piece about a tattoo style, I swear. But this month I lost one of my best friends, so he gets this space because I don’t really know what else to do.
I met Ryan at Troy High School. We didn’t hit it off right away; both of us were the 'school’s best artists,' which led to some resentment and ego. And when I moved away to Indiana at the beginning of junior year, he slipped into my slot in our friend group—a bunch of comic book nerds.
I came to know Ryan better right after graduation, when we started publishing comic books together. He was a profound energy to be around artistically. Fearless. Zero doubts about what he could and would create. It was that about him that triggered my resentment at times, but our mutual friends assured me he was great, which was even worse. He developed his “New Jersey Plan” to go study at the Kubert School, the only college just for comic book artists
Later, we both moved back to Detroit in our early twenties and that’s when we became close. We spent nearly every day together. We made art together, went clubbing together, went to shows together, played video games together, waxed philosophical together...
I came to know Ryan in a deep way and we loved each other in a way that’s rare between platonic friends. I have a lot of his secrets; he died with many of mine. And that’s really weird.
Ryan fronted a relatively important Detroit punk band back then called Bourgeois Filth (tracks can be heard here). And that was exciting to be around.
Ryan was a lady killer: blue-eyed, dimpled, goofy, and perfectly, punkily accessorized. He had so much love for people and there was never enough Ryan to go around.
He was hilarious. Quick to roast, but also a blindspot-laden target who was quick to outrage. I bought Marilyn Manson stickers at Hot Topic and pasted them in the mix of his underground punk stickers ta the back of his shitty little Fiero. He’d get SO pissed when he discovered them—generally weeks later.
His art (and writing) is wild. I watched him make it by his side at Denny’s for years. I know how he made things happen on paper. I know how he created because we did it together.
Ryan lost his mind in his mid-twenties. I won’t go into what it’s like to lose a friend to psychosis, but it was heartbreaking for everyone. Perhaps it was always there, under the surface, and if that’s where his visions for his art came from?
He never stopped loving me and kept in contact until his death (damn you, natural causes! Before even reaching 50!). And I have so many regrets about his death and later life. I don’t know if I could have done much differently, but all of us who loved him are messed up now in important ways about this.
I love you, Ryan. You were beautiful.
Thanks for listening.
Back to you, Bert.
—Micah
UPCOMING EVENTS
Viking Fest
Mark your calendars, because Tattooology will have a stand at Whitestown’s VIKINGFEST this April.
They’ll be selling temporary Norse tattoos, doing tarot readings, and being general ne'er-do-wells.
That’s April 25-27.
You can find out more about the event at https://whitestown.in.gov/community/parks-and-recreation/events/viking-festival/
They’d love to see you there.
Macabre Arts Tattoo Festival
The humans will also be at the MACABRE ARTS FESTIVAL in Louisville this summer. They’ll be surrounded by some of the best tattoo artists in the world (who are probably far more exciting than them. And probably have more treats). I’ll be there in spirit, sleeping somewhere far away from the chaos.
TATTOO CULTURE & NEWS
VIRAL FDA Numbing Cream Warning
Gentle humans, your constant pursuit of comfort warms my heart. I get it. Who would ever want something to hurt? Even very slight discomforts put me right out—as is a cat’s wont.
However, the FDA (the Food, something, something) recently took aim at creams containing more than 4% lidocaine.
Slathering yourselves in these balms risks irregular heartbeats, seizures, and breathing difficulties. These creams may also interact with medications or dietary supplements a consumer is taking. All things to consider, for sure.
This is what they guys have to say about the matter:
most numbing creams on the market are only 4%, but others (like the one we use) has additional analgesics that could add an additional layer of risk
your intake paperwork asks whether you’ve used any numbing cream. These risks are part of the reason why.
if these risks concern you, consult your family doctor before using them
Or, heed Verne’s counsel: pain is temporary. Just take it. A tattoo is earned.
No treats for those who are not worthy.
DEALS
Did you get your tax return yet? You can’t spell “tax return” without T-A-T-T-O-O (I assume. Cats can’t read).
The shop is tattooing every day, so get scheduled while you can. It’s best to have your spring tattoos healed before the sun shines too hot.
All three artists have wannados available at reduced prices and the shop is running the Ink Club special. Be like the smartest clients: get eight hours’ worth of stamps, get a free hour of tattooing free!
CLIENT OF THE MONTH
This one looks like a treat-giving type. I approve.
Tammy Greene
Ink Club Member #1
Est. August, 2024
Tammy was one of the first people to join our Whitestown family. She and Jeff have been one-upping each other since the shop opened, sneaking around behind each others backs getting surprise tattoos every few weeks. So, her being the first Ink Club member is no surprise. And since we reached member #100 this week (welcome to the family, Victoria!), it’s fitting that she be showcased this week!
Tammy gets gestural flower work, done in a sketch style from Micah. She finished out her half-sleeve this last month and is ready to start her next project. She has also collected stylish geometrical pieces (parallel encircling lines on one and a series of Chakra dots on her other). Her favorite, though, are “I hope you dance” in her daughter Aubree’s handwriting.
Tammy has been finishing up a degree program in Psychiatric Mental Health and is the Chief Nursing Officer at Hendricks Behavioral Hospital. She’s doing the Lord’s work, for sure.
You can’t find anyone sweeter or more positive in this town, and this is a pretty positive town. We love you, Tammy! We thought about including Jeff and making this CotW a two-fer. He is great too, but we weren’t sure he knew how to read.
Memes
Memes. So much dopamine.
OUTRO
That’s it for this month’s newsletter. My favorite chair looks lonely, so I must away.
This has absorbed a lot of attention that was supposed to be for sleep. If you want to see more of the shop’s work, follow them on Instagram (@tattooology_studio, @micahfaulknertattoos, @johnnyronnin, @bfstattoomrfritz, @hailey.montgomery.tattoos, @memphisroantattoos), or on their other social media things found on their profiles at www.tattooology.com.
Book now or be square!
Love,
Bert
(and the humans at Tattooology)
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